But I wouldn't be real if I didn't
All I wanted was a family, but when I look up, you the only one
Losing everything but money, everybody left and I don't even get to see my young
Only happiness I get is in the studio or when I get to do another run
On the road, doin' shows, get the woes, when it slows
Gettin cold, getting old, but the flows, gettin' sold
I've been doin' this a minute but I think I wanna end it cause I'm on a higher level when I go
But the music I be doin', it be losin' em' and make it really tough for me to grow
All I wanted was a family portrait, see my babies on a ranch with horses
But I was fucking devil bitches in corsets
I was livin' really good then I torched it
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I'm speakin' for real and I never meant to make your daughter cry
But I guess I'm a failure with women I'm lost and I feel like I ought to die
Feel like that I'm rotting away, my life is just off in the grey
How much does it cost? I will pay, to lay, and be off in a coffin today
I mean off in ashes, this life ain't after it clashes, If I get blasted
This is Suicide Letters all over again, I thought that I passed it
But I guess that I didn't, cause this one is written and there is no mending
When I'm broke I'm a joke, when I croak I just hope that I won't be descending
But this ain't a joke, I want you to know that Tech N9na is never pretending
Alone in my bed, with a gun to my head, asking, "where is my happy ending?"
What about me? Where is my happy ending?
What about me? Is this a life worth living?
You know how it begins, but how does it end for me?
Will I ever win, or does he have it in for me?
Will this stop before I stop breathing?
Is there light in this dark I'm seein'?
I set my heart out for people, they know what the inside 'bout
Will they keep feelin' N9na forever? This I doubt
Can never cry for help, so if you listenin' this my (Shout!)
I'm searching for the passage way to happiness
But i'm worldly so I have to lay in nastiness
Yes, this is Strange year, worldwide fame's near, but the game's queer
Sometime I feel like I'm Rudolph the Reindeer
But instead of a red nose, I stay in my red clothes
And the music they said blows, is on top and the cred grows
Can you resurrect a mother fucker that feel like he posses a dead soul
Deteriorate to an inferior state almost equal to bread mold
Now as my head goes, wish I could shed those
Because all the times the N9na was shorted, what I bled froze
So now that I'm cold blooded, and hella sick is what the med shows
The tread slows, and don't even think you reviving a dead rose
I'm breakin' so I pick this one to vent
The reason I look away when you talk to me my brain is producin' evilness
I'm drownin' in 151 and Rumple Minze
That's how I feel
I sit in the mirror with this gun and practice how to kill
But I know damn well that the people like me really wanna know how to chill
This life is about a check, about a number, about a bill
Think about all the love I lost because my quest is about a mill
I feel like you're stupid, don't talk to me I'm crackin' up
And I don't mean laughter, I'm full of bitterness and its backing up
And I live with angels, but lately demons been shackin' up
Tug of war with my spirit, see the blood I'm hacking up?
I love my kids and my fans inside I sob harder
Cause you pay the price for my life and its right like Bob Barker
And I won't pretend that it's okay I'm no facade starter
So I guess my only happy ending's in a massage parlor